PT Panic

I am very sorry I haven't written recently, both because I just realized I had a comment YAY, and because it really is great catharsis. I seem to come to it when I am stressed the most, and it does make me feel better, something about the act of even typing is relaxing and familiar--maybe it is like playing the piano, another thing I did as a child when I was stressed.

What is stressing me? Well, not too much at the moment. However, I do have a math final next week, but I have a strange calm. I know the material very well, have done all the homework and am totally up-to-date with studying and reading. Tonight we have a class review, and will have another on Sunday. I think I will be fine. The only other stressor, more like irritant, is that I have been experiencing a recurrence of pain. This might be because I have been more physically active. However, I REFUSE to give up my activities--so I am going to re-focus on pain management. Step 1# I finally made an appointment with the PT a student in my program recommended. He works for the office and assured me that they have pelvic floor specialists.
Let me tell you a little something about PT and me. It's a love hate relationship--mostly hate. The type of therapy that I do is...to put it mildly VERY invasive and personal. I have to work one on one with the therapist and really build a trusting relationship. Because I suffer from sever chronic pain, I am very afraid for the to touch me. This causes me to tense up in ways I am not even aware of. A lot of the therapy is learning to let my mind control my body. Sounds easy, right? Not so much. When you suffer pain you begin to contract your muscles in a way that protects your body. It is like a reflex--it becomes second nature, well first nature actually. We are engineered to preserve ourselves. So imagine you have to use your mind to control your INVOLUNTARY muscles. Try it. Right now--try and stop peristalsis from moving food through your esophageal tract. It's kind of like that. I remember facing the same frustration when I was in voice lessons. My voice teacher would tell me to do something and i would do EXACTLY what I thought she said. However, it was wrong. Although I was trying my very best to emulate her instructions I was hitting a wall. Since I am not someone who likes to do things I am not good at, you can imagine how frustrating this was. The good news is, I stuck with it (mostly because I didn't have the heart to tell my grandpa that I no longer wanted him to drive me to the lessons he was paying for and because I felt I owed it to my teacher), and in the end I got it. One day it clicked. The same thing happened with PT and it started to feel worth it. I built an incredible relationship with my old PT Kasey (she was a G-dsend and I literally prayed and thanked G-d for her everyday!)

Unfortunately, just when we were making real progress, I had to leave. This was daunting because I knew with moving, getting married, and starting school it was going to be difficult for me to find a therapist. Additionally, I truly felt like I struck gold with Kasey and knew it would be difficult, if not impossible, to find someone to take her place. Also, the fact that my injury is quite rare (there aren't a lot of 27 year olds walking around with shattered pelvises thankfully) it's hard to find someone to treat my "special needs" especially since I am a newlywed who is planning on starting med school soon. Both physically demanding situations. (I will let you paint the picture there). Furthermore, from what I understand, pelvic floor therapy is kind of new to PT, and there aren't a lot of PT's that are specialized. The waiting list to get in to see Kasey rivalved the wait for tickets to see the Westside Story Revival, BUT this guy I met in the program (who wants to be an ortho, oddly enough) assured me they had a therapist that could help. Finally, I screwed my courage to the sticking place, and called yesterday. After playing phone tag with a very inefficient answering service, I was finally scheduled for next Tuesday with Court. GREAT! Wait a second---I thought--I mean I am sure I know the question to this, but I have to ask: "Umm..out of curiousity, Court's a women, right?" Receptionist: "Oh, no. Court is a man." Jude: silence...Receptionist: "I assume that's okay (judgemental tone). I mean he's our only available..."Jude: "Oh yeah! Sure! Uh.. see you Tuesday! *click* I was shocked!

Now, I don't mean to sound closed minded. I am an equal opportunist here, and I realize that jobs are not and should not be divided by gender roles, it's just that the thought of going to a guy is very unsettling to me. Those of you who know me, may know that my tried and true gyno is a male, and I have NO problem with that, but this is different WAAAAY different. The therapy is much more invasive and personal. Additionally, it shold come as no surprise that men and women have VASTLY different anatomy in the pelvic region. Therefore, Kasey was able to describe muscle contractions and sensations in a way that I don't think Court will be able to. Not that he isn't well trained, or intuitive, he's just not going to be able to see things from the same perspective. Also, I am sure that he has a good heart and has some really lovely reason for wanting to help women (I keep telling myself), but there is some part of my mind that asks "Why would a man choose to go into this particular specialty? What kind of frea---" You get the idea. Brendan did little to ease these concerns.

In the end, I decided to keep the appointment, because well, I need to. Also, I know being a woman in family practice I am bound to get a patient one day who will not want to come see me for his prostate exam for the same reasons I listed above. I will do my best to convince him that I am highly trained and well qualified, and will probably be offended that he won't believe me. So, I am paying it forward. I am also going to do my level best to keep an open mind and benefit from this new experience. Maybe he will bring a new perspective and teach me new ways to release muscle tightness. Maybe..

I promise to keep you updated. Oh! I cannot forget. My family is coming out to visit in mere weeks! Days even. 17 to be exact! YAY!

Until next time.....